Sunday, July 5, 2009

And...We're back!


Nine days...roughly 2200 miles...through six states and five beaches...with three gaseous children, a collection of luggage, video games and whatever else which needs plugged into a cigarette lighter every two hours; heaps of snacks, and a now comotose and slightly dilusional wife, all crammed into a late model Dodge Durango...and I give you...The Family Vacation.

With heaps of information to share, but lacking the mental capacity needed for such a task, I'll throw a few points of interest out there, and continue to update the goods as my weary mind recovers.

In no random order, and off the top of my head...

...In the state of Georgia, the Highway Patrol equip their officers with coal-black, Dodge Chargers...with Hemi's.

...Ohio is the only state between here and Cuba without a speed limit of 70mph. Simply pathetic.

...After swearing that I'd never allow my oldest son to go with us on another trip following last year's disastrous journey to Disney World, I'm proud to announce that following some rather intense "Father/Son -Heart to Heart Combat Sessions" prior to departing...my soon to be teenager performed just shy of brilliant throughout the majority of our trip.

...This year I'm swearing to never allow my daughter to go with us on another adventure. She was comparable to a youthful Medusa all the way from southern Georgia to Nokomis, from Venice to Sarasota, and from Savannah to...well, my office. Never again. No way.

...The act of pulling someone over for any form of traffic violation in North Carolina is primarily done with two patrol cars at all times. Not that I was...I simply witnessed it nearly a dozen times.

...Coca-Cola carries with it the power to run it's course through the digestive system of a six year old girl and into the bladder region in roughly two hours and twelve minutes, thus demanding of immediate attention...parents beware.

...Positively everyone living in Georgia starts every sentence with the word, "Y'all." Even those "natives" who eventually admit to being formally from Buffallo, Boston, or St.Paul.

...Throughout the 75 minute jaunt through the hills of Virginia while heading north, the temperature dropped from 88 to 62 degrees by the time we crossed into W.V.

...Paula Dean's restaurant has three floors with a buffet on each level, heaping with the likes of which I've never experienced in all my years of gluttony. I willingly gained just short of nine pounds in two hours...and loved every minute of it.

...On the way home, upon fueling up the Dodge in Savannah, the cashier sent us on our way with a robust..."Y'all come back now, ya hear!?"

...Ten minutes north of Charlotte, North Carolina, the cashier bid me farewell with an enticing..."Have a good night, Sugar!"

...In Beckley, West Virginia, I was issued my way at a BP with a teeth-grinding/boot-scootin/twangy..."You'ins have a good'un now."

...And in Marietta, Ohio, where I topped off the tank in order to stagger on home, I was acknowledged with an ape-like..."Hmmph," and nod of her head.

...I guess that says it all.

...Pix will be sorted, memories filed, and stories of beaches, bodies and bedlum are on the agenda. I've got some good stuff, trust me.