The Procrastinator's Guide to Grillin Supremacy

...it happens, the coals are primed, the meat marinated, the beverages chilled, all's well. Then alas, you pick up that book, or a page of your WIP with revisions on the brain, and next thing you know, its been an hour, that foul odor entering your nostrils was supposed to be dinner, the family's hungry...and will remain that way until the pizza dude arrives. The dog gets to gnaw on the charred remains of what was once a chicken, and you've been relieved of grillin duties until further notice.

Yep, I've been there.

People who are not writers simply don't understand. When a spare minute presents itself, as in playing Emeril on the back patio while the meat simmers, the urge to work on one's project under the setting sun can be too persistent to ignore. And when not paid attention to...meat becomes smoked jerky, and wives forget about manners...even in front of dinner guests.

But that was then...

For writers, inventors, starving artists, procrastinator's and the like, grillin chicken has never been so easy,(and tasty:)

1. Grillin chicken works best with thighs, drumsticks, and of course, hotwings. And pass on those boneless skinless slabs of problematic dis-function.

2. Rinse the chicken under cool water and place into a roaster. Tossing raw chicken onto a flaming grill is like betting on a 3-legged horse at The Derby...no matter how you spin it, the outcome's not promising.

3. Once the bird is situated in the roaster, add either a half can of Coke, or the contents of a darker brewed beer. I personally lean toward Labatt Blue myself, but Coke does quite well.

4. Next, add a healthy supply of Worcestershire Sauce. Don't bother asking how much, just gauge the amount of meat in the roaster and go with it.

5. Sprinkle whatever spices you prefer upon the entire mess. Garlic salt, seasoned salt, pepper, something exotic from the Greek Islands, you get the idea.

6. Place the covered roaster on the grill, close the lid, find your favorite chair and that novel, do your best to hide that smirk as your loved ones eyeball the smoking grill pit fearfully, and relax. You've just earned yourself between 30-45 minutes of bliss, (depending on the size of your dinner,) while the contents in the roaster go to work.

7. Only when the meat starts to brown on the outside, do you even consider removing it from the roaster, but unfortunately, in time, it will.

8. Time to get serious. Remove each piece of chicken from the roaster and place them onto the grill with a dash of Worcestershire and your preferred barbecue sauce.

9. Allow to sizzle for no more than 5 minutes on either side, or all the work of roasting those important juices into the meat, will burn up like that novel idea you've been mentally pursuing for the past decade.

10. Roasting the meat preserves the taste, the five minute sizzle gives the skin that grilled texture we've all come to recognize as a perfectly charred specimen. It also "bakes" in the barbecue sauce, giving one the impression that you've been slaving over a hot grill for the past hour, when we all know better:)

...this technique also works with certain varieties of pork, but I'd advise against experimenting with that twenty dollar steak...something about tossing a steak into a roaster...it's just unethical.