Monday, October 22, 2012

Buckling Down...

The Fall...

...stepping onto a band of light at the threshold of the bathroom, Johnny craned forward, spotted the man from the driveway leaning into the tub.  Followed the man's gaze and found Jessica crumpled into a shivering ball of arms and legs, a damp towel shielding her body.

He released a gasp, hesitating at the entrance a moment too long.  She caught sight of his shadow, followed it to the source, her expression running a gamut of emotion, from shock, to relief, to horror, as Johnny managed a blink of his eyes.

And as he stood there, little more than an arm's length from his girlfriend's father, Johnny thought, okay Jessie, I'll do this for you.

He said, "Jessie."

Her father turned with a start, offered a grunt, eyes widening.  A set of chafed lips opened, an expression that Johnny recognized as fear, passing over the man's face.  There and gone in an instant, as if carried on an ocean's breeze.

Then he lowered his brow.  Grizzled cheeks gathered around a clenched jaw.  Burly fingers, stained the color of rust, closed to form a pair of clubs, wavering upon the end of each arm.  And from his mouth came a warning, painfully gargled as if some of the rust from his hand had somehow made it to the lining of his throat.  "Get outta my house."

Johnny managed to find his voice, said, "Jessie, it's gonna be okay."

Bracing one hand on the bathroom wall to steady himself, the other remaining closed to a fist, Jessica's father lifted a boot toward the hall.

Johnny stepped across the threshold, hastening a glance at his girlfriend, still huddled upon the floor of the tub.  Her knees were pulled up to her chest, a pair of trembling arms embracing them.  Their eyes met, and a word formed on Johnny's lips.


Just a teaser...a little something to think about as we approach this week's mid-section ;)

Thanks for reading.



Murees Dupé said...

This is very good! I hope the father gets his butt kicked. Thank you for sharing.

Donna Hole said...

A very good tease :)


T. Drecker said...

Aw! Teasers are mean - I wanted to read more :)

Elliot Grace said...

Hey Murees, thanks so much for the compliment ;)

Hey Donna, who would'a thought a short story could take up an entire summer!

Hey T.Drecker, that's what I was hoping for ;) Thanks!


DEZMOND said...

still great in narration, El, my son :)

Elise Fallson said...

Wow, this was a good teaser! I hope we get to read more!! (:

Michael Di Gesu said...

I see you still haven't lost your ability to rip our emotions apart...

Wow, El. I was pulled in right from the beginning.

I would definitely read more!

Roland D. Yeomans said...

Like Michael said, you pulled us in right from the beginning!

Elliot Grace said...

Hey Dez, I'm flattered, thanks so much ;)

Hey Elise, glad you enjoyed it. The entire story will be available soon.

Hey Michael, thanks so much for the compliment, very kind of you ;)

Hey Roland, earning praise from both Michael and yourself must surely mean that I've done something right ;)


Michael Offutt, Tebow Cult Initiate said...

Yeah nice teaser. The "ocean breeze" line basically made me think that the setting was near the ocean. I was thinking California coast.

Olivia J. Herrell said...

Hi Elliot,

You've been on my mind so I stopped by to catch up. Congratulations on your new baby girl, cudos for your football star and WOW on your teaser.

You have a gift for writing hard stuff. You make awful things real and you do it well.

In Charm you ramped the tension until it was a twanging, palpable thing. I grew up in an alcoholic home and reading Charm threw me right back there, walking the tightrope, waiting for it to break. Because invariably, they do.

You sound happy. And that's music to my soul.

Stay happy my friend, Olivia

Elliot Grace said...

Hey Michael, definitely a coastline, but this time it's the eastern seaboard...beautiful Charleston ;)

Hey Olivia, you're such a dear, thanks so much for your thoughts and support ;)


The Golden Eagle said...

Intense. Even from just this short excerpt I care for the characters already!

Adeeva Afsheen said...

Banned complain !! Complaining only causes life and mind become more severe. Enjoy the rhythm of the problems faced. No matter ga life, not a problem not learn, so enjoy it :)

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